Ever been odd? Maybe at times during your life people have told you that you are odd or different. Most of us will then have a survival technique kick in and make adjustments so that we appear normal, acceptable and thereby less vulnerable. Others, very few, make a life out of being thought of as odd. These have a strong sense of self and the opinions of others are seen as re-enforcements of their independent lifestyle. Many of these are artists, authors, philosophers and performers. Some others live a hermit's lifestyle even while surrounded by others.
But there are still others who really are odd. They can't find a consistent place for themselves. There will be times when they are accepted, nurtured and even lauded but that usually does not last for long. The thing about being really odd is that it is not static, it is dynamic, your oddness continues to grow, sometimes exponentially, throughout your life.
When I reached a young age, perhaps seven or eight, I can remember begging God to "turn off the movie." I knew that I was permanently odd and I knew that I had had previous life experiences that had led to this phenomena. I really did not want to go through it again especially at this advanced rate of oddness.
Well, I have survived sixty-eight years of advanced permanent oddness. I really would not like to go for another lifetime of this but I can see the benefits now. My Faith is unshakable, my love is pure agape, my acceptance of others is universal.
Now the time of my life has become quite calm and stable. Sometimes I forget how odd I am. That's when the bizarre stuff kicks in as a reminder. When I play cards (every night) I have a voice inside me that tells me the value and suit of cards that are yet to be exposed. This is with a double deck! It works for me when I am alone but when I try to show off the voice usually clams up. I say usually because sometime I can do it when I need to bring a message to someone whose faith may not be as strong as mine. I can also name and bring messages from spirit guides and long dead relatives of people. Many times these people were co-workers at hospice or strangers to me. This again reinforces my acceptance of my oddness. But what am I supposed to be doing with these "gifts?" I have applied to get back into the active priesthood several times. No luck yet, though I am supposed to have my stuff gone over by another bishop next week. I get a feeling that my oddness and deep, deep faith actually exclude me from traditional priestly ministry. Isn't that odd?
Fr. Rod
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
A note to the Living
This blog site lets me check the stats about how many visit my site and when. The number is in the thousands now. I wonder how many hits are real people and how many are attempts to sell me something by a machine? If your real could you do me a favor? Please click on comment. You do not have to say anything. Just put a letter or number that says you are a sentient being. I sometimes have this feeling that I am entertaining myself. Which is ok but leads to a form of neurosis that I would rather not deal with. :)
Fr. Rod
Fr. Rod
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Validation
I mentioned in my early blogs about my on-going relationship with Our Blessed Mother Mary. I certainly pray that you too have such a relationship. Mine started early on in life and became more tangible after I was ordained. I was visited by her in 1994 while I was celebrating liturgy (mass) alone in my church on the leave taking of the feast of her birth. I had been out of town for a couple of weeks and I did not get a chance to offer liturgy while I was gone. The first thing I did when I got back was to go into the church and offer liturgy.
What happened next has been documented by me in many places. I submitted a report on it to the Melkite Bishop Elya in Boston and to Fr. Nassaney, OMI at the shrine to Our Lady in Willimantic, Ct. What happened was my first actual "in the flesh" visit by the Mother of God. She explained to me what the Immaculate Conception was all about. I have never been able to put the detailed explanation into a language that my conscious level could employ. I just have a great story about a teenage Jewish woman who was pregnant and did not want to embarrass her father. She also made me a pro-lifer without the usual political garbage.
I have had several other spiritual visits since, four with miraculous healings. I would like to say that this has led to a spectacular career for me in the church. Nah, just the opposite happened. My view of church and the sacraments were radically changed forever and this made me some kind of radical in the church's view and they really did not want to deal with me.
I see the church as a living entity that needs to be nurtured not an institution to be defended. I see Our Lady as the Mother of that living being.
Today Our Mother spoke to me again. This time two of us together were blessed with this visit. One here in Phoenix and the other in Connecticut. She told us that she sees her beloved church as we would see our teenage son or daughter experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Her hope is like that of many agonizing parents. That hope is that her church will survive beyond this plague. Perhaps hope is the wrong word. Her message was stronger than that. Her promise is that when (not if) we gather ourselves back together we will be stronger than ever. Our traumatic journey in the desert of abuse will be made into a glorifying march to a new sobriety of purpose.
The rest of the hour long message is private. Not by my choice. The only hint I am allowed to give is that we have less than two years to wait. Is that wait 5 minutes or 24 months? Wait for what? The time, I don't know. As for what, it is a new set of gifts. She tells me that I have a big world shaking gift coming. Hoo Rah, I could use a boost! I am grateful and more than curious but I have to wait like everyone else. Hang in there! Can I pray with you?
Fr. Rod
What happened next has been documented by me in many places. I submitted a report on it to the Melkite Bishop Elya in Boston and to Fr. Nassaney, OMI at the shrine to Our Lady in Willimantic, Ct. What happened was my first actual "in the flesh" visit by the Mother of God. She explained to me what the Immaculate Conception was all about. I have never been able to put the detailed explanation into a language that my conscious level could employ. I just have a great story about a teenage Jewish woman who was pregnant and did not want to embarrass her father. She also made me a pro-lifer without the usual political garbage.
I have had several other spiritual visits since, four with miraculous healings. I would like to say that this has led to a spectacular career for me in the church. Nah, just the opposite happened. My view of church and the sacraments were radically changed forever and this made me some kind of radical in the church's view and they really did not want to deal with me.
I see the church as a living entity that needs to be nurtured not an institution to be defended. I see Our Lady as the Mother of that living being.
Today Our Mother spoke to me again. This time two of us together were blessed with this visit. One here in Phoenix and the other in Connecticut. She told us that she sees her beloved church as we would see our teenage son or daughter experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Her hope is like that of many agonizing parents. That hope is that her church will survive beyond this plague. Perhaps hope is the wrong word. Her message was stronger than that. Her promise is that when (not if) we gather ourselves back together we will be stronger than ever. Our traumatic journey in the desert of abuse will be made into a glorifying march to a new sobriety of purpose.
The rest of the hour long message is private. Not by my choice. The only hint I am allowed to give is that we have less than two years to wait. Is that wait 5 minutes or 24 months? Wait for what? The time, I don't know. As for what, it is a new set of gifts. She tells me that I have a big world shaking gift coming. Hoo Rah, I could use a boost! I am grateful and more than curious but I have to wait like everyone else. Hang in there! Can I pray with you?
Fr. Rod
Thursday, February 2, 2012
What does your culture say is appropriate prayer?
I graduated from the seminary in 1992. That was when all the scandals about pedophile priests were first breaking. The last year of formation in the seminary is mostly about practical parish stuff. So naturally there was a lot about how to act toward young people. Be polite and friendly but no touching or being alone with a child was the mantra. That seemed like a no brainer.
Then I was assigned to my first parish, St Basil the Great in Central Falls, Rhode Island. Being a Melkite Catholic priest I knew I would be serving mostly people of Arabic heritage. I knew there would be an adjustment period. I figured that after six months or so I would have a good idea of what was expected of me. Little did I know that three months later I would be alone as a pastor of my own parish. But that's another story.
The day of my first liturgy (mass) I went over to the church and began to get things set up. After a while the altar boys started to arrive (no altar girls). What came next was a bit of a shock. I went back into the sacristy and found all my altar boys lined up. The oldest and most experienced were first on down to the little guys. I stood in front of them and began to introduce myself when the first in line gave me a big bear hug and kissed me on both cheeks. He said, with a big smile, ahlan abouna, welcome father. This went on in turn for all seven of the servers. Hugs and kisses.
Oy vey, I said to myself, its the granite hotel for you bucko and they will throw away the key. But that did not happen. I got used to the greeting even though I am not much into hugs and kisses.
A week or so later I went to dinner with one of the priests who had attended seminary with me. It was a Roman Catholic seminary. He asked me how things were going and particularly, how did I prepare myself for liturgy (mass). I said, well the first thing I do is kiss all the altar boys. I think his eyebrows reached the considerable bald spot on his head. And no matter how much I tried to explain the Arabic culture he never got it. That taught me a lot about people, prayer and cultural expectations.
I am now more open to how people in our own American culture pray and what is expected during that effort. I see Pentecostalism's energetic, loud prayer on a par with the little old Catholic lady in the back of the church quietly praying her rosary. I see the busy mom taking her daily chores and offering them as a prayerful sacrifice on a par with the minister rendering a well prepared sermon.
I could go on and on. But the important thing is that we pray. Pick a style. Pick a culture. Pick a friend to pray with. What's you style? Can I pray with you?
Then I was assigned to my first parish, St Basil the Great in Central Falls, Rhode Island. Being a Melkite Catholic priest I knew I would be serving mostly people of Arabic heritage. I knew there would be an adjustment period. I figured that after six months or so I would have a good idea of what was expected of me. Little did I know that three months later I would be alone as a pastor of my own parish. But that's another story.
The day of my first liturgy (mass) I went over to the church and began to get things set up. After a while the altar boys started to arrive (no altar girls). What came next was a bit of a shock. I went back into the sacristy and found all my altar boys lined up. The oldest and most experienced were first on down to the little guys. I stood in front of them and began to introduce myself when the first in line gave me a big bear hug and kissed me on both cheeks. He said, with a big smile, ahlan abouna, welcome father. This went on in turn for all seven of the servers. Hugs and kisses.
Oy vey, I said to myself, its the granite hotel for you bucko and they will throw away the key. But that did not happen. I got used to the greeting even though I am not much into hugs and kisses.
A week or so later I went to dinner with one of the priests who had attended seminary with me. It was a Roman Catholic seminary. He asked me how things were going and particularly, how did I prepare myself for liturgy (mass). I said, well the first thing I do is kiss all the altar boys. I think his eyebrows reached the considerable bald spot on his head. And no matter how much I tried to explain the Arabic culture he never got it. That taught me a lot about people, prayer and cultural expectations.
I am now more open to how people in our own American culture pray and what is expected during that effort. I see Pentecostalism's energetic, loud prayer on a par with the little old Catholic lady in the back of the church quietly praying her rosary. I see the busy mom taking her daily chores and offering them as a prayerful sacrifice on a par with the minister rendering a well prepared sermon.
I could go on and on. But the important thing is that we pray. Pick a style. Pick a culture. Pick a friend to pray with. What's you style? Can I pray with you?
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Heaven, Purgatory, Hell
My last blog inspired one of you to ask if I was describing heaven or hell in my last post titled Another Visit.
I will state categorically that the Heaven promised us through the sacrifice of the Living God Jesus Christ is the most real entity in this universe and beyond.
Heaven is attained in increments. For most of us we would not be comfortable in the ultimate heavenly place. We would feel like intruders.
Just like there are nine choirs of angels, we ourselves are travelling in families that are separated by our capability to embrace Love.
Some of us are at a basic level where Love is seen as a far distant dream. Some at these levels cannot even fathom the existence of Love. These have a long way to go. They always need our prayers. They will always tug at us in a jealous rage fed by Satan.
Most of those who have passed from this life are in a place that used to be called Purgatory. It used to be seen as a place of pain. It is not. It is a place where souls can catch their breath before continuing their everlasting journey. Please pray for these.
Some of those who have passed attain a higher level. These are the blessed ones who reach out with encouragement to us.
Hell, is the most difficult to grasp by me. I suspect that it is a place that souls who truly reject all hope over and over go to slowly fade into non-existence. The Hebrew Sheol is the closest I can come up with for these. Pray for them anyway. Who knows the truth about Hell. The master of Hell, Satan, is surely not going to share the truth with us. It may put him out of business.
Fr. Rod
I will state categorically that the Heaven promised us through the sacrifice of the Living God Jesus Christ is the most real entity in this universe and beyond.
Heaven is attained in increments. For most of us we would not be comfortable in the ultimate heavenly place. We would feel like intruders.
Just like there are nine choirs of angels, we ourselves are travelling in families that are separated by our capability to embrace Love.
Some of us are at a basic level where Love is seen as a far distant dream. Some at these levels cannot even fathom the existence of Love. These have a long way to go. They always need our prayers. They will always tug at us in a jealous rage fed by Satan.
Most of those who have passed from this life are in a place that used to be called Purgatory. It used to be seen as a place of pain. It is not. It is a place where souls can catch their breath before continuing their everlasting journey. Please pray for these.
Some of those who have passed attain a higher level. These are the blessed ones who reach out with encouragement to us.
Hell, is the most difficult to grasp by me. I suspect that it is a place that souls who truly reject all hope over and over go to slowly fade into non-existence. The Hebrew Sheol is the closest I can come up with for these. Pray for them anyway. Who knows the truth about Hell. The master of Hell, Satan, is surely not going to share the truth with us. It may put him out of business.
Fr. Rod
Another Visit
Yesterday and today I was blessed with an extensive visit to "the other side." Previous visits have left me sad and confused. I could not understand why the ones I loved who had passed seemed to be stuck in one place. Each time I would visit them they were dressed the same, looked the same and the venue was always the same.
This time I took the advice of a gifted friend and asked questions. Those with whom I was visiting were only too glad to answer. In fact they were waiting for me to begin this long anticipated dialog.
It turns out that my perceptions of lack of change was on the money. Our loved ones on the other side create a venue in which they are most comfortable and they stay there. They pick their favorite age, some are young, some are older. They pick their housing, some pick the home in which they were raised others pick the home which provided them with the comfort of child raising or natural beauty. They even drive their favorite cars. They can visit others no matter what the time setting may seem. A person who is comfortable in the 1960s can easily jump in the car or ride a bicycle to their friends who are comfortable in the 1930s. The distances and roads are provided by the expectations of the travellers.
They can even visit us on occasion but those visits are fraught with potential dangers. They are fascinated by our progress and psycho/spiritual growth. This is the one thing that they cannot participate in directly while they are in their current state of being. They will stay the same until they return and begin to grow again. But we can help them. By sharing our experience they can vicariously grow. They love that. They are our family and we owe them that privilege. They in turn can petition the higher beings to help us and them. These are our spirit guides and angels. Some of them may be our own well experienced family members.
I said earlier that these visits can be fraught with danger. There are many, many of those who have passed who do not have a suitable age, time or place in which they feel safe or comfortable. These souls wander about alone or in "gangs" just waiting for an unguarded spirit to pass by. These lost ones will try to hijack the unsuspecting one's milieu. The results are a chaotic visit which can leave both the visitor and visited in a state of anxiety and bewilderment. Satan loves these encounters and there are plenty of them that happen every day.
It is important therefore that you living prepare yourselves for visits by prayer and putting yourself in a safe environment through contemplation and relaxed quiet time. The chaotic ones will try to block this. Your loved ones who have passed will be invited by it. It is up yo you to fight off the chaos and provide a safe place for those who would help and be helped by you. It works. Invite !
Fr. Rod
This time I took the advice of a gifted friend and asked questions. Those with whom I was visiting were only too glad to answer. In fact they were waiting for me to begin this long anticipated dialog.
It turns out that my perceptions of lack of change was on the money. Our loved ones on the other side create a venue in which they are most comfortable and they stay there. They pick their favorite age, some are young, some are older. They pick their housing, some pick the home in which they were raised others pick the home which provided them with the comfort of child raising or natural beauty. They even drive their favorite cars. They can visit others no matter what the time setting may seem. A person who is comfortable in the 1960s can easily jump in the car or ride a bicycle to their friends who are comfortable in the 1930s. The distances and roads are provided by the expectations of the travellers.
They can even visit us on occasion but those visits are fraught with potential dangers. They are fascinated by our progress and psycho/spiritual growth. This is the one thing that they cannot participate in directly while they are in their current state of being. They will stay the same until they return and begin to grow again. But we can help them. By sharing our experience they can vicariously grow. They love that. They are our family and we owe them that privilege. They in turn can petition the higher beings to help us and them. These are our spirit guides and angels. Some of them may be our own well experienced family members.
I said earlier that these visits can be fraught with danger. There are many, many of those who have passed who do not have a suitable age, time or place in which they feel safe or comfortable. These souls wander about alone or in "gangs" just waiting for an unguarded spirit to pass by. These lost ones will try to hijack the unsuspecting one's milieu. The results are a chaotic visit which can leave both the visitor and visited in a state of anxiety and bewilderment. Satan loves these encounters and there are plenty of them that happen every day.
It is important therefore that you living prepare yourselves for visits by prayer and putting yourself in a safe environment through contemplation and relaxed quiet time. The chaotic ones will try to block this. Your loved ones who have passed will be invited by it. It is up yo you to fight off the chaos and provide a safe place for those who would help and be helped by you. It works. Invite !
Fr. Rod
Friday, January 13, 2012
A Blessing?
Occasionally I google myself. When I google my full name and place where I live, Roderick J McRae Phoenix, a blurb comes up warning people that I am a false priest. This hurts. It uses a half truth that I am not a priest for a certain diocese, Manchester N.H., but does not mention that I was ordained for a religious order and that I am in good standing with the church. A lot of this is the result of my refusal to go along with some of the expectations for clergy these days.
I have challenged bishops and my religious superiors when I knew that following their lead would be wrong. I have never felt any guilt because of my actions.
Despite all of this, I love my church because I know that there is hope still alive in her bosom. I see this in my weekly healing prayer group at a Roman Catholic Church. Most of the group are traditional Catholics who have a faith to be envied. They have put aside their concerns for the scandalous headlines and have concentrated all their spiritual energies on prayerful intercession for others. We study books by Fr. Henri Nouwen and Fr. Thomas Keating. These are men who help make up the hope that I cling to. We share, sometimes tearfully, our frustrations and disappointments. We laugh when the spirit of compassionate forgiveness fills us with the hope and the joy of belonging. I love this church which has relegated me to a life on the fringe. This seemingly unfair treatment is mitigated somewhat when I read Matthew 5 11-12: "Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of ME. Rejoice and be glad , for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
But it still hurts.
I have challenged bishops and my religious superiors when I knew that following their lead would be wrong. I have never felt any guilt because of my actions.
Despite all of this, I love my church because I know that there is hope still alive in her bosom. I see this in my weekly healing prayer group at a Roman Catholic Church. Most of the group are traditional Catholics who have a faith to be envied. They have put aside their concerns for the scandalous headlines and have concentrated all their spiritual energies on prayerful intercession for others. We study books by Fr. Henri Nouwen and Fr. Thomas Keating. These are men who help make up the hope that I cling to. We share, sometimes tearfully, our frustrations and disappointments. We laugh when the spirit of compassionate forgiveness fills us with the hope and the joy of belonging. I love this church which has relegated me to a life on the fringe. This seemingly unfair treatment is mitigated somewhat when I read Matthew 5 11-12: "Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of ME. Rejoice and be glad , for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
But it still hurts.
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